Estrangement Ideology – Part 21. Can We Trust Them As We Age?

A new era of uncertainty for aging parents: Loss of trust, aging, health and end-of-life concerns.

This is number twenty-one in a series of articles concerning Estrangement Ideology. Key concepts are introduced in Part 1. Tenets, Goals and Methods; Part 2. Transgressions, Moral Certitude and Traditional Values; and Part 3. The One-Sided Path to Redemption. Other parts can be found here.

For parents of Estranged Adult Children, one of the most profound and unsettling consequences of estrangement is the loss of trust in their children as future caregivers. In past generations, even strained parent-child relationships often retained a level of mutual obligation, particularly when it came to elder care, medical decisions and end-of-life support. Parents could generally assume that, barring extreme circumstances, their children would provide some degree of assistance—whether that meant handling medical decisions, overseeing finances or offering emotional and physical care in later years. Estrangement Ideology, however, has completely upended this expectation, leaving many aging parents uncertain about their future welfare and deeply distrustful of whether their children will support them in their most vulnerable years.

As I discussed in Part 6. A Subtle Form of Elder Abuse, the modern normalisation of estrangement has made elder neglect an unspoken but real consequence of the movement. When Estranged Adult Children justify “No Contact (NC)”as a form of self-preservation, they often extend that logic to withholding end-of-life support, rejecting any sense of duty or care for their aging parents. Some even frame elderly parents' need for assistance as manipulative, portraying requests for help as an attempt to emotionally blackmail them back into contact.

Aging Parents' Loss of Trust in Their Children

Many estranged parents are left in a state of limbo, unsure whether their children will even be present when serious health issues arise. The Reddit threads reveal a consistent disregard for aging parents' needs, with many Estranged Adult Children explicitly stating they feel no obligation to care for their parents, even if those parents are frail, ill or dying.

In a thread titled “I broke up with my dad”, the poster expresses relief at cutting ties permanently and insists that they owe him nothing:

“I don’t care if he ends up alone in some nursing home. He made his choices. I don’t have to pick up the pieces.”

Similarly, in “Dad had a stroke - maintaining NC”, an estranged adult child wrestles with the news of their father’s medical crisis but ultimately reaffirms their decision to remain “No Contact”:

“I feel bad, but not bad enough to reach out. He’s not my responsibility.”

These perspectives reveal a stark departure from past intergenerational expectations, where estrangement did not necessarily erase a sense of duty toward elderly parents facing medical or end-of-life struggles. For estranged parents, these attitudes foster an inevitable loss of trust—many come to realise that if they fall seriously ill, it is entirely likely that they cannot count on their children to help in any capacity or respect their wishes and rights.

End-of-Life Planning: Who Will Be There?

For many aging parents, estrangement forces them to rethink their long-term care plans entirely. Without the assumption of support from their children, they must turn to alternate solutions, including:

• Appointing non-family members as medical proxies

• Seeking professional caregivers or assisted living facilities

• Relying on distant relatives, friends or even strangers for end-of-life assistance.

In past generations, even difficult parent-child relationships often maintained some level of care expectation, especially in later years. A child might have resented their parent but still stepped in during moments of crisis. Estrangement Ideology has eroded this safety net, as many Estranged Adult Children explicitly reject the idea that they should feel any obligation to be present when their parents are sick or dying.

In “Can you still have compassion while remaining estranged?”, a user questions whether they should feel any responsibility for their aging parent:

“I know they’ll probably need help at some point, but I don’t see why that should be my problem.”

Responses overwhelmingly reinforce the idea that parents deserve no assistance, often framing their aging as a form of karmic retribution:

“They should have thought of that before they treated you like garbage. They can figure it out.”

These kinds of discussions cement the idea that estrangement extends beyond emotional separation—it is also a denial of care and support, even in extreme circumstances. Even if there is some involvement, if disabled or mentally impaired can parents trust their desired emergency medical and end-of-life care arrangements will be respected? Parents who internalise this reality must plan accordingly, knowing that the child they raised may not only be absent during a crisis, but may actively resent any expectation of involvement.

The Role of Estrangement Ideology in Justifying Elder Neglect

Estrangement Ideology plays a significant role in legitimising the withdrawal of care from aging parents. The pathologisation of parental actions, the framing of estrangement as self-care and the strict “No Contact” model all contribute to a cultural shift where abandoning an elderly parent is not only acceptable but actively encouraged in estrangement circles.

The therapeutic language of “boundaries” and “self-protection” ensures that any lingering feelings of responsibility are swiftly reinterpreted as guilt-driven trauma responses that must be rejected. This is evident in threads where Estranged Adult Children express fleeting feelings of regret or conflict about not helping their parents, only to be quickly reassured that staying “No Contact” is the “healthy” choice.

For example, in “Closure”, a user questions whether they should reach out to their estranged parent who is experiencing health issues. The overwhelming response?

“Closure is a myth. Don’t let them guilt you into breaking NC. They should have been better parents if they wanted help now.”

This relentless framing of estrangement as permanent and irreversible ensures that even life-threatening parental illness is not enough to reconsider “No Contact”. Unlike past generations, where estrangement might have softened in old age, today’s estranged adult children are often encouraged to maintain emotional distance until their parents pass away—if they even acknowledge their passing at all.

Parents Left to Fend for Themselves: A New Reality

For estranged parents, the implications are deeply unsettling. Many must accept that their children will not be there for them in any capacity, leading to:

• Emotional distress over dying alone

• Financial anxiety about arranging care without family support

• A sense of betrayal that the child they raised sees them as disposable.

In “My estranged mother passed away”, a user reflects on their mother’s death, revealing the cold emotional detachment that modern estrangement reinforces:

“She died alone, and I don’t feel bad. She burned that bridge a long time ago.”

This kind of callousness toward a parent’s death would have been unthinkable in past generations, where estrangement—if it did occur—often softened with time. Today, however, estrangement is framed as permanent, with a clear ideological commitment to seeing it through to the very end.

Conclusion

For estranged parents, the loss of trust in their children’s willingness to care for them is perhaps one of the most devastating aspects of modern estrangement. In past generations, even difficult parent-child relationships often retained some expectation of mutual obligation, particularly when it came to aging, health and end-of-life support. Today, that trust is gone—many Estranged Adult Children explicitly reject any responsibility for their parents’ well-being, even in times of crisis.

This forces estranged parents to radically rethink their future, making alternative care arrangements, appointing non-family members to oversee medical decisions and coming to terms with the likelihood that they will age and die alone. Estrangement Ideology not only justifies this abandonment but actively reinforces it, ensuring that even parents in medical crisis are met with detachment rather than compassion.

The fundamental question remains: Has modern estrangement turned family bonds into disposable relationships, leaving parents to face the uncertainties of aging entirely alone?

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Note: This article was developed with assistance of ChatGPT, used as a structured analysis and writing tool. All ideas, interpretations and final outputs were authored, verified and edited by me. The model was conditioned to reflect my reasoning, not to generate content independently.