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Rainbowmom's avatar

I really appreciate the juxtaposition of what works and Kathy’s comments. Both true, and depend on our personalities and life values where we land over time. I no longer have anger and accept the unfairness of the situation. I continue to deeply grieve but hope the what works approach will someday bring my beloved daughter home.

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Kathy VandenBerghe's avatar

Saying “just apologize” trivializes the layers of pain we all experience being estranged from our child. It’s too simple of a solution.

This is the narrative many estranged children (EC) have embraced—a story that paints them as victims and their parents as abusers. But let’s be clear: a moment of frustration does not erase years of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

Many have been pushed to their breaking point—gaslighted, manipulated, disrespected, and provoked—until they finally reacted. And the moment they did, history was rewritten, turning a single reaction into an excuse for cutting ties. The real abuse was everything that led up to that moment. The silent treatment, the false accusations, the blatant disrespect, and the complete erasure of everything good that was once shared.

They wanted you ashamed. They wanted you silent. But you are not the villain in this story.

You don’t owe anyone an apology for reacting like a human being after being mistreated for so long. You don’t have to keep explaining yourself to those who refuse to see the truth.

You are not the abuser. You are not powerless.

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