Accurate. Thanks again Steven, your logical framework provides for a quality response to dominant culture's insanity promoting the destruction of families.
This has been the hardest thing to happen to me and I have been through plenty. I fully intend to stay true to my principles and values while forgiving my son and moving on......
This article presents a one-sided, dismissive view of estranged adult children, portraying them as overly sensitive while ignoring the painful, often valid reasons for estrangement. It assumes reconciliation is always ideal, disregarding cases of abuse and the courage it takes to set boundaries. I’ve analyzed estranged parent groups, and they are the true echo chambers, filled with self-pity, blame-shifting, and outright hostility toward their children. Instead of acknowledging the complexity of family dynamics, this piece shifts blame onto those who have already suffered harm. The lack of nuance and empathy is honestly disgusting.
Thank you for your comment. I have not studied estranged parent forums myself so obviously my comments only relate to what I have observed in the estranged adult child forums. You are more than welcome to engage with the substance of my analysis based on those observations. That said, I would be very interested in reviewing where you have published the results of your own investigations. With such a polarizing issue, an echo chamber effect is undoubtedly present on both sides, as estrangement forums—whether for parents or adult children—tend to reinforce particular narratives while filtering out dissenting perspectives. This is particularly so where voices from the other side are specifically excluded, as they are in the adult child forums I have observed.
Coincidentally, I have recently been reviewing the Issendai Collection, which also claims to analyse parent forums and you may also be interested in my critique and discussion of that when it comes out on 4 March at 12 PM PST. You are welcome to engage with the series in the meantime, as it explores how Estrangement Ideology shapes discourse, including the framing of reconciliation, boundary-setting and intergenerational conflict.
Thank you for your response! It’s interesting that you acknowledge echo chambers on both sides yet only chose to analyze one. If the goal is to understand estrangement dynamics, then studying only estranged children's forums while ignoring parent groups is, at best, intellectually lazy and, at worst, deliberately biased. That’s like writing about political polarization while only examining one party!
Your response also deflects. Instead of addressing my point, you didn’t look at parent forums, you shift the burden onto me, implying that my observations only matter if formally published. That’s a weak attempt to dismiss valid criticism.
I often read through estranged parent forums (one of which linked to your article today), but I don’t “analyze” them in the sense of formally publishing results. That doesn’t mean their patterns aren’t glaringly obvious to anyone paying attention. These groups are the real echo chambers, endlessly reinforcing their own narratives while shutting out any challenge.
I’m also well aware of the Issendai Collection and how accurate it is. If you’re seriously engaging with that research, I’ll be very interested to see your critique. It’ll be telling whether you present a balanced analysis or just another attempt to downplay the reality of why estrangement happens.
And by the way, my name is Hilda, not Heidi. If you’re going to engage in discussion, at least get that right.
Hi, yes, sorry I got your name wrong, I went back and edited to correct. I'd be very interested what you have observed in the parent fourms in terms of the grief cycle, as in the "self-pity, blame-shifting, and outright hostility toward their children." which seems very much to align with many of the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Have you considered this aspect?
I appreciate the correction! As for the grief cycle, yes, I’ve certainly considered it, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior in many of these groups. There’s a difference between processing grief and getting stuck in a loop of self-pity, blame-shifting, and hostility toward adult children, especially when members encourage one another to remain in that mindset rather than actually move through the stages toward acceptance.
In estranged parent groups, many leave out significant details about their own behavior, whether unintentionally or deliberately, to gain sympathy and validation from others. This makes their echo chamber effect even stronger, as the dominant narrative becomes one of victimhood, with little space for self-reflection or accountability. That’s exactly why analyzing only estranged children’s forums gives such a limited perspective. When one side is actively shaping their stories to avoid uncomfortable truths while the other is engaging in difficult discussions about family dynamics, any conclusions drawn from just one group will inevitably be skewed.
More importantly, if you recognize that estranged parent groups exhibit these behaviors, why didn’t you include them in your analysis? Their echo chamber effect is arguably even stronger than in estranged children’s spaces, since many of these parents refuse to acknowledge their own role in estrangement at all. If your goal is to understand estrangement discourse, that’s a glaring omission.
I’ll also be very interested to see how you engage with Issendai’s research, as from what I’ve seen, their observations about parent forums are highly accurate. Hopefully, your critique will address these issues rather than simply downplay them.
Accurate. Thanks again Steven, your logical framework provides for a quality response to dominant culture's insanity promoting the destruction of families.
This has been the hardest thing to happen to me and I have been through plenty. I fully intend to stay true to my principles and values while forgiving my son and moving on......
This article presents a one-sided, dismissive view of estranged adult children, portraying them as overly sensitive while ignoring the painful, often valid reasons for estrangement. It assumes reconciliation is always ideal, disregarding cases of abuse and the courage it takes to set boundaries. I’ve analyzed estranged parent groups, and they are the true echo chambers, filled with self-pity, blame-shifting, and outright hostility toward their children. Instead of acknowledging the complexity of family dynamics, this piece shifts blame onto those who have already suffered harm. The lack of nuance and empathy is honestly disgusting.
Hello Hilda,
Thank you for your comment. I have not studied estranged parent forums myself so obviously my comments only relate to what I have observed in the estranged adult child forums. You are more than welcome to engage with the substance of my analysis based on those observations. That said, I would be very interested in reviewing where you have published the results of your own investigations. With such a polarizing issue, an echo chamber effect is undoubtedly present on both sides, as estrangement forums—whether for parents or adult children—tend to reinforce particular narratives while filtering out dissenting perspectives. This is particularly so where voices from the other side are specifically excluded, as they are in the adult child forums I have observed.
Coincidentally, I have recently been reviewing the Issendai Collection, which also claims to analyse parent forums and you may also be interested in my critique and discussion of that when it comes out on 4 March at 12 PM PST. You are welcome to engage with the series in the meantime, as it explores how Estrangement Ideology shapes discourse, including the framing of reconciliation, boundary-setting and intergenerational conflict.
Thank you for your response! It’s interesting that you acknowledge echo chambers on both sides yet only chose to analyze one. If the goal is to understand estrangement dynamics, then studying only estranged children's forums while ignoring parent groups is, at best, intellectually lazy and, at worst, deliberately biased. That’s like writing about political polarization while only examining one party!
Your response also deflects. Instead of addressing my point, you didn’t look at parent forums, you shift the burden onto me, implying that my observations only matter if formally published. That’s a weak attempt to dismiss valid criticism.
I often read through estranged parent forums (one of which linked to your article today), but I don’t “analyze” them in the sense of formally publishing results. That doesn’t mean their patterns aren’t glaringly obvious to anyone paying attention. These groups are the real echo chambers, endlessly reinforcing their own narratives while shutting out any challenge.
I’m also well aware of the Issendai Collection and how accurate it is. If you’re seriously engaging with that research, I’ll be very interested to see your critique. It’ll be telling whether you present a balanced analysis or just another attempt to downplay the reality of why estrangement happens.
And by the way, my name is Hilda, not Heidi. If you’re going to engage in discussion, at least get that right.
Hi, yes, sorry I got your name wrong, I went back and edited to correct. I'd be very interested what you have observed in the parent fourms in terms of the grief cycle, as in the "self-pity, blame-shifting, and outright hostility toward their children." which seems very much to align with many of the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Have you considered this aspect?
I appreciate the correction! As for the grief cycle, yes, I’ve certainly considered it, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior in many of these groups. There’s a difference between processing grief and getting stuck in a loop of self-pity, blame-shifting, and hostility toward adult children, especially when members encourage one another to remain in that mindset rather than actually move through the stages toward acceptance.
In estranged parent groups, many leave out significant details about their own behavior, whether unintentionally or deliberately, to gain sympathy and validation from others. This makes their echo chamber effect even stronger, as the dominant narrative becomes one of victimhood, with little space for self-reflection or accountability. That’s exactly why analyzing only estranged children’s forums gives such a limited perspective. When one side is actively shaping their stories to avoid uncomfortable truths while the other is engaging in difficult discussions about family dynamics, any conclusions drawn from just one group will inevitably be skewed.
More importantly, if you recognize that estranged parent groups exhibit these behaviors, why didn’t you include them in your analysis? Their echo chamber effect is arguably even stronger than in estranged children’s spaces, since many of these parents refuse to acknowledge their own role in estrangement at all. If your goal is to understand estrangement discourse, that’s a glaring omission.
I’ll also be very interested to see how you engage with Issendai’s research, as from what I’ve seen, their observations about parent forums are highly accurate. Hopefully, your critique will address these issues rather than simply downplay them.